Sunday, 23 March 2008

.jalan yang lurus.

Kenapa sejak akhir-akhir ni aku kerap menangis?

Mungkin aku agak tertekan dengan kehidupan.

Dengan kerja yang tak pernah berkurang.

Dan fikiran yang tak pernah bertenang.

Di saat-saat ada kelapangan waktu begini, aku selalu bertanya,

“Aku hidup untuk siapa? dan demi apa?”

Jawapannya mudah. Tanyalah siapa saja, semua pasti tahu.

Tapi aku pingin tahu “Mengapa?”

Memang aku menerimanya kerana aku percaya.

Tapi kedudukannya begitu goyah dihatiku.

Rapuh dek kepesatan dunia.

Yang penuh hiburan dan kelalaian.

Aku ingin merasa nikmatnya sekelumit hidayah itu.

Agar aku bisa melupakan keseronokan dunia.

Bisa melupakan kekecewaanku.

Terhadap janji-janji palsu.

Lantas itu sebabnya aku menangis.

Aku terlalu terdesak untuk mengetahui maknanya aku dicipta di Bumi ini.

Usia yang semakin meningkat menekan aku agar cepat tersedar dari lamunan.

Aku tidak sabar untuk menunggu tibanya detik itu.

Agar aku boleh cepat mengorak langkah.

Menyusunnya satu persatu di jalan yang lurus.

Monday, 17 March 2008

life is making sense again

The busyness I experienced through out this semester adds another wonderful color to my life. I realized that I lost myself since the past ten years and at that time I’m like a baby who’s trying to learn how to walk and talk again even I’m already expert on those. I live in my own world of misery and I just have a hole in my heart, that I felt the emptiness though I had a happy family and loyal friends beside me. Sins that I did and regretted and the Taubah I performed ‘on and off’ are the reasons I hate myself and it makes me keep the real me inside. I’m ashamed of myself and since I don’t want anybody to see the bad side of me, I tried hard to never do a wrongdoing and it was so tiring regretting and starting all over again – believe me, I’ve tried.


Now, with my responsibilities, I don’t have the time to do and think about other things other than my homework, projects, club activities etc. It surprised me a lot that I love the busyness I had, though its tiring and all my energy were squeezed till the last drop. Aish. But… is it true that busy people doesn’t have a life? *tsk* I’m enjoying my busyness yet I have to admit those sayings are true.


Every day before I went to bed, I usually forgot the prayer I used to recite. My mind won’t stop thinking about what to do tomorrow, the works that to be done, places I must go, people I need to meet etc etc.. And waking up these days was always like “Ah! Today I need to submit this and that!” Even in the morning I’ve started to scheduling things in my mind even with the simplest thing ever like.. I cannot always go back and forth into my room to do certain thing coz its wasting time..so everything I do I’ll said to myself “Am I done here? Do I need to do anything else?” Only when I’m satisfied then I go and settle down other things. Man! I can’t believe I’m loosing my life! And I thought life is making sense? No way! *sigh*


p/s: confusing isn’t it? At first I said my life are full of colors and now its totally blank? I AM confused myself, so don’t bother.

Monday, 18 February 2008

another tag by u-know-who

i just paste the rules okie? since i don't have much time. I'm going back to mu university in one hour time. and I don't have my stuff packed yet.

Its about my favourite link :

Rules and Regulations :
1. Must be clean. No X-rated sites
2. Only FIVE links.
3. MUST tell 5 people.
4. A link back to the person who tagged you.
5. An active link.

here goes the list :

1. www.getgorgeous.fotopages.com
2. www.saifulislam.com
3. www.abdullahjones.blogspot.com
4. www.bigfishgames.com
5. like Cik Mai, all my friends blog.

orait that's all. wow. I'm done in less than 10 minutes. that's a record. but this is a very easy one thou. hehe. see y'all later when I'm free enough to update this blog. till then, good nite malaysians!

the day i'd been tagged

this time its "8 random facts about myself".. as usual, it is from mi bestie Mai.. so, these were the rules..

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

so heres 8 random facts about me which has been written in my book of fate since the day i started to breathe :

1. i cannot pronounce the letter 'R' properly. but its not that 'pekat', only the one yang peka saja boleh notice. some even said that my Malay pronounciation is a bit mixed up with English slang.thats is so not true.

2. i don't eat chilli sauce.

3. i still print out my lecture notes even if i had copied it during class. the reason is i hate my own handwriting.

4. I'm a bit outdated when it comes to international music and artists. i don't put the courage to remember their names, faces and what album they have produced. only some friends keep me updated.

5. I'm a homely type person. u can ask me out when I'm in my campus but not when I'm at home. maybe I'm the kind of child who usually think how lonely your parents is when their children are not around.

6. saya suka basuh, sidai and keringkan baju. tapi saya tak suka lipat baju. :D but i have to lah kan.

7. I don't talk too much as I think. I'll get a headache if I do so.

8. Walaupun saya tak banyak cakap, my close friends mesti someone yang kuat bercakap. Biasa la tu, complement each other la kan. Kalau semua bercakap sapa pulak nak dengar ye dok?

Orait. Cik Mai, if you read this, I've settled down your first tagging. Coming up next, the easier one. hehe.

owh. taktau la nak tag sapa. biar je la erk. :D

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

.sense of healing.

alhamdulillah..

the disease I've been having for the past 4 years (almost) are showing some improvement. i guess its gonna heal in one or two weeks time. it was healed once in 2005 i guess but it appeared again few months after that. at that time, i'm giving up my medication for a while. on and off. until last few weeks, i took up the med again since i can't stand it anymore. maybe its part of my new year's resolution.. to totally get rid of this 'penyakit'.

even this disease seems to have an end, i never know when will i cure my other illness i kept with me since i was in standard 6. nemind, i'll cure it one at a time.

p/s: is there anyone here with 'O' blood type group? need some help here..