...my apology...

to whoever friends who felt like they're being ignored by me during this semester break, please accept my apology. I'm so lazy to reply ur SMSs, messages, emails, testi etc etc. infact it have become a habit for me to leave my cell phone 'merata-rata' especially in the car. so usually at late evening or nite or the next morning only I'm able to reply any incoming messages or calls (if there's any) I don't know where this habit comes from. maybe its due to the fact that this is my last semester holiday before I finally graduate in mid of next year (insyaAllah) Then I'm freed to the industry or maybe I'll continue my studies to a higher level. its not decided yet. maybe there's no more long holiday with my family. I'm just spending the time I'm not sure I'll have next time. no worries I'm sure to have my cell phone with me 24/7 again once the semester opened. till then, toodles~

p/s: this apology is especially for my BFF. but i do reply ur messages rite? ;P

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, there may be jealousy;
Be happy anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

p/s: credit to iluvislam.com =)

...i don't know...

*screeeeechhhhhhhh*
being hurt again.
they didn't know they've done it for thousands time.
they didn't know i kept hanging in there.
they didn't know i'm sick of this.
they never knew how long i can stand this.
and i don't know too.

highlight : i'm off to somewhere tomorrow.gonna be back after a week.dis holiday doesn't seem to guarantee that i'm gonna be healed no matter how long it takes.

...crush...

"Do you catch a breath, when I look at you
Are you holding back, like the way I do
Cause I’m trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t goin away, goin away"


i'm just quoting Crush by David Archuleta.
it really doesn't mean anything at all.
or it USED to have some meaning.
nice song. nice lyrics. n cute singer. ehe.

...i heart DC...

oh no.

I've become so obsessed with Daniel Craig since I watch the new 007 series Quantum of Solace.
every time I saw his face on a commercial adverts I would stop for few seconds saying "oh oh he's so hot" [dalam ati je lar] In my eyes he's nothing near handsome compared to the previous 007, Pierce Brosnan, but he got this one kind of "machoness" that makes him even better than Pierce Brosnan.

[Daniel Craig - the new 007]

today I went to MidV with Along, Amir and Kak Afzan [Along's friend]. Amir was still doing his survey on Nokia N85 - which he intend to buy end of this year [using Mama's money of course]. So, I joined him cuci2 mata sambil berangan2 kalau2 aku dapat a brand new phone. hehe. suddenly my eyes caught an advert showing the handphone used by Daniel Craig in his new film. At that time I suddenly become like "oh oh. I want SE C902!!" but I still look for good specs okeh. and it was good!! please search for yourself k? I can only provide the pictures. Hehe.

[james bond limited edition titanium silver SE C902]

cantik kan? nak nak nak!! ada sesape nak hadiahkan? pleaseee..ehe..

and late this evening we went to Big Apple Donuts & Coffee. we bought it for 1/2 dozen. only after I've choosed all 6 pieces of donuts, guess what I see? "Moonraker - James Bond's favorite coco pops" haih.

[Moonraker - James' Bond favorite]

u should know what I do next rite? apa lagi? of course la I add another RM2 for that Moonraker! haha. ;D

highlight : if its really his favorite, then i must say he gotta good taste. wahaha. how do i get rid of this obsession? I heart DC!

...craving...

I was craving for cheese cake. and there is some times when I was craving for something I intend to make it myself. so that was what I make yesterday - a cheese cake. this craving-thingy had happen lots of time (croissant bread, mashed potatoes, donuts, lasagna etc etc) and I usually show it to people when my attempts succeeded. so enjoy this picture!


[xde mixer.kene pakai tangan.angahhh pulangkan mixer!!]

[first time wat kek sendiri]

[hasilnya..leh la kan utk beginner..ngeh]

[adunan byk sgt..so leh wat 2 loyang..yg ni bentuk love]

well. walaupun ini hasil kerja sebab mengidam, actually I'm doing this to show my love to my family and to cheer them up. since there left only me, Amir, Mama n Papa, I treasure lots of my quality time with them. despite the 4 of us are feeling happy for Along and Angah when they're facing their new phase of life, I know that somehow we felt "different", things are not the same anymore and I know that sooner or later, my turn will come (insyaAllah). so I don't want to waste any minute of my life making them sad, instead I want to always make them smile. and trying on my recipe is one of my way showing them my love.

and this is how we spent our supper last night. cheese cake and teh-o kurang manis. just perfect.

highlight : mama kata cheese cake rasa da ok. tp saya tak puas lagi sbb tak rasa cheese sgt. membayangkan cheese cake tu akan jadi cam moist2 cam kat kedai. takpe2.. lenkali try lg.. =)

...they touched my heart...

its 12.20 a.m.
I'm studying in the hall.
the TV's switched on playing Little Miss Sunshine.
I get distracted sometimes.
and suddenly my Papa came down
bringing his pillows and blanket saying
"Papa tido sini [depan TV, atas karpet] teman Abby blaja okey?"
oh oh.
after a few minutes
Mama came down
and take her place beside Papa.
oh oh oh oh
this just felt like the old time, when I was young
I was 13
and was sent to the boarding school
and never felt this ever since.
they don't need to do this actually
as I'm big enough to feel scared studying alone
but they really make me touched!
and I never felt happier =)


highlight :I should study and make my Mama and my Papa proud of me. kinda felt guilty for finishing the time to post this and letting them making their back aches sleeping on the hard floor, but it can't be helped.
they really touch my heart! luv u ma pa!

Life is about making decisions

Life is about making decisions.

I have been making tough decisions since I was a little kid.

Its has become like part of my life.

Those decisions about which school I should enter

About which university I should further my study

A decision about what course should I take

A decision about continuing to pursue my dreams or just forget about it

Decision on my life pathway

Decision on my future career

Decision about choosing one instead of the other [believe me..this happens quite for a few time]

Decision to safe one’s life or choose to be selfish [this is the hardest among all]

And yet, I still do not find an easier way to make a decision on a tough matter.

Decision which mistakes are not forgiven nor should it be regretted.

Now I’ve to make another decision on….'something' which they shouldn’t be revealed here..because..it is for me to deal with it and for me face the outcome, but I must say this is quite a life-or-death decision.

All u have to do is just pray that I’m making the right choice.

I’m afraid though..No,No,No, I’m freaked out!

What if things go wrong after that? Oh oh.

Just pray for me.

To my dear self, be patient, be brave, hang in there~

Highlight : now I know how she feels about this

a hero lies in you

just quoting Hero sang by Mariah Carey
Gudluck 4 ur final exam ppl!
may u all succeed with flying colors~

"Hero-Mariah Carey"

There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road when you face the world alone;
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.
You can find love if you search within your self
and the emptiness you felt will disappear.

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

oh....Lord knows dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away.
Just Hold on, there will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you
that a hero lies in ... you
mmmm that a hero lies in.....you.

Ketika Cinta Bertasbih

saya ingin mengisi jiwa.

saya ingin memantapkan nurani.
saya ingin mendapatkan lebih pemahaman.
saya ingin mengurangkan kesedihan.

lalu saya baca KCB 1
dan meneruskan dengan KCB 2
saya renung dan teliti
setiap baris-baris perkataan
menghayati dan menyedut dalam-dalam
setiap keindahan kata-kata puitis

hasilnya
kekosongan ini terisi
saya tidak lagi bersedih
saya belajar untuk menjadi lebih kuat
saya belajar untuk redha menerima kehilangan
saya belajar untuk percaya akan takdir-Nya.
saya belajar untuk sabar
saya belajar untuk tidak putus asa
saya belajar tentang kesederhanaan
saya belajar tentang kasih sayang antara manusia
banyak juga yang saya belajar
cuma ada yang tak terungkap
yang paling penting saya belajar untuk mencintai-Nya



p/s: alhamdulillah baru saja tamatkan KCB 2. sebelum raya hari tu dah tamatkan KCB 1.terus beli KCB 2 kerana perasaan ingin tahu yang membuak-buak. 2 hari menghabiskan 664 mukasurat. buat sahabat-sahabat, saya syorkan anda supaya membaca novel Ketika Cinta Bertasbih 1 & 2 hasil karya penulis novel Ayat-Ayat Cinta, Habiburrahman El Shirazy. Semoga di akhir bacaan, semua di kalangan kita mempersiapkan diri untuk menjadi the next "Khairul Azzam" (bagi lelaki) and the next "Anna Althafunnisa" (bagi perempuan) insyaAllah. terima kasih buat sahabatku Siti Sarah for introducing this book to me. =)

"Mungkin aku tak mampu menjadi sehebat Saidatina Khadijah, tapi salahkah aku bercita-cita menjadi sepertinya?"

"Anna Althafunnisa, akan kujadikan kau idolaku, meski kau hanyalah imaginasi halus di hujung pena seorang penulis"

Fatih - Futur

Kadangku merasa bimbang
Berada di dunia yang lapang ini
Sampai kapan aku berjuang
Di jalan dakwah panjang

Takutku akan semua
Semua yang takkan berlanjut lagi
Hanya karna memikirkan
Nafsu dunia yang fana

Rasa futurku menghalangiku
Menempuh semua perjalanan imanku
Akupun ingat semua teman-temanku
Yang masih coba membimbingku


highlight : nice song! ;D

10 malam terakhir

..Ramadhan..
..tinggal sepuluh hari lagi aku bersamamu..
..apakah yang boleh ku lakukan agar kau tidak pergi..
..masihkah ada Ramadhan buatku tahun hadapan..
..adakah kau akan datang menjengukku lagi..
..Ramadhan..
..aku sudah mula merinduimu..
..harapanku agar kau lebih lama bersamaku takkan tercapai kan..
..tak mengapa aku akan setia menantimu..
..semoga setahun perpisahan ini akan menjadikan aku insan yang lebih baik..
..akanku cuba memperbaiki diri untuk bertemumu tahun hadapan..
..insyaAllah dengan izinNya..
..semoga kita bertemu lagi..

.semakin dekat.

656,913,760	Seconds
10,948,563	Minutes
182,476.0	Hours
7,603.17	Days
1,086.17	Weeks
249.82	Months
20.82	Years

this was calculated at 3 p.m 19 Sept 2008. I've lived for 20.82 years! Subhanallah! Semakin dekat aku dengan kematian. Apakah yang telah aku lakukan sepanjang usia ini?! *berfikir*


highlight : terima kasih Allah atas segala nikmat yang Engkau kurniakan. =) Jauhkanlah aku daripada menjadi hambaMu yang lalai.

Alhamdulillah

syukurku tak terkata
hanya mampu di luah dek air mata
Terima Kasih Ya Allah
Subhanallah Walhamdulillah Walaailahaillallah Wallahuakbar

p/s: data-data yang kusayangi sempat diselamatkan. hilang sudah resah yang membelenggu sejak semalam. terima kasih juga kepada En Harun kerana pertolongan yang tidak terhingga.

ahlan wasahlan ya Ramadhan

bulan Ramadhan seringkali menerbitkan rasa rinduku kepada zaman persekolahanku di Taiping.
suasana Ramadhan yang penuh syahdu yang tak mungkin aku dapat di mana-mana.
Rindu pada suara lunak para muazzin, imam dan bilal.
Rindu pada zikir-zikir yang mendayu-dayu dan doa-doa yang penuh keinsafan.
Rindu juga pada teman-teman seperjuangan.
Teringat akan kemeriahan sewaktu meraikan iftar biarpun dalam keadaan sederhana.
Terbayang wajah-wajah sahabat yang liat untuk dikejutkan semasa bersahur.
Rindu akan berjemaah!
Rindu akan halaqah!
Rindu akan tadarus!
Rindu akan qiamullail!
Masing-masing berebut untuk berada di saf paling hadapan.
Subhanallah..kalaulah budaya di kelompok kecil ini dikembangkan dan dipraktikkan hingga ke hari ini. *malu dengan diri sendiri*
tidak istiqamah!
semakin lalai!
sibuk tidak boleh dijadikan alasan.
persekitaran juga tidak harus dipersalahkan.
jadi salah siapa sebenarnya?
halakan lima jari ke arah diri sendiri.
dan lihatlah ke dalam cermin.
moga bertemu jawapan.

teringat-ingat : "Ya Allah, jangan Engkau tarik nyawa kami, sebelum sempat Engkau memberi hidayah kepada kami. Jangan Engkau matikan kami sebelum sempat kami bertaubat kepadaMu"

reminder

saat kamu rasa cinta dan jodoh tidak berpihak padamu, ingatlah ayat ini selalu. jangan pernah berputus asa kerana Allah tidak pernah memungkiri janjiNya.

treatment

since I'm feeling a lil bit confused with the situation right now, I mean after Angah's wedding, everything felt so different, or at least for the first few days, so I decided to went on a treatment just to put aside these weirdness feeling, to forget that's its already happened, to remind me that this is the fact of life, and above all that, to let me to go on with my life.

what kind of treatment I refer to...? well, its a girl type of treatment..which is.. SHOPPING! ;D
I went shopping with Along and Amir at MidV (like there's no other place but I have to since Along insisted)

These were the list of few items I bought, and you can see how I really need those treatment. (coz I don't usually shop this much in one shot) This is just not me.

Items I bought:

1. Movies - Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - my treat
2. an infrared ring
3. a shirt from Chic Avenue
4. a pair of shirt from Scarlet
5. a purse from The House of Leather - I really need this.
6. honey lip balm from Watson
7. Big Apple's 6 pieces of doughnut + Apple Tea + Lemon Tea
8. registering for a JCard

still there's a few items which I wish to buy but I control myself from doing so. Maybe I'll do it until my other need of treatment. *grin*

p/s: Thanks to Along for her treat at Sushi King's and Amir for the popcorns. Thanks thanks. I'm getting better. =) I heart Salmon Steak!!! *wink*

.renungan.

"Duhai hati, janganlah terkorban dengan dunia, sesungguhnya hidup hati sebenarnya untuk mencari mati yang sempurna"

.let go.

Saya menghadiri Corporate Seminar untuk industrial training hari ini. Tak banyak perkara yang saya dapat kerana saya mendengar acuh tak acuh sahaja. Dalam fikiran saya banyak lagi perkara yang saya perlu selesaikan hari ini.

Selesai sahaja seminar itu, saya menumpang kereta Ila untuk pulang ke rumah sewanya dan kemudian berjalan kaki ke MidValley bersama Jiha untuk melunaskan rancangan yang telah lama kami rencanakan. Arakian selesai segala urusan, saya pun pulang ke Shah Alam yang saya cintai menaiki komuter yang tak begitu saya cintai, tetapi saya tiada pilihan! Sempat saya melabuhkan mata sepanjang perjalanan memandangkan malam sebelumnya saya tidur agak lewat. Hanya bernasib baik kerana tidak terlepas stesen.

Sesampainya di rumah, fikiran saya terus diasak pelbagai masalah. Paling saya tak gemar adalah kesalahan orang lain menjadi beban kepada saya kerana hanya saya sahaja yang ada di waktu kejadian.selalunya begitulah. biarlah. bukan tak biasa.

Lewat petang, Along pula sampai untuk menuntut laptopnya yang telah menjadi hak milik saya selama sebulan. dan menjadi kerja saya lagi untuk memindahkan file2 sentral yang ada di dalamnya selain memastikan laptopnya itu bersih dari sebarang ancaman kuman (virus le tu).
tambah satu kerja lagi.

Lepas Along balik, saya tak tau nak buat apa pula. dan datanglah satu ketika saya terpandangkan bola Nike yang baru adik saya, Amir beli. Tadi dia main dalam rumah kena marah sudah! Cuba saya pulak yang main. Sure tak kena marah. He he he.

Dan itu mungkinlah kali pertama dalam hidup saya menyepak bola atas kemahuan saya sendiri. bersungguh-sungguh. makin saya sepak, makin puas. makin saya tak nak berhenti. sampai saya rasa macam hati saya berlawan dengan akal saya. akal saya nak berhenti tapi hati saya tak nak. lama jugakla bola tu kena sepak ke dinding.

baru la saya sedar kenapa budak2 lelaki suka sangat main bola. ia mendatangkan kepuasan! memang kalau tak sebab penat, memang tak nak berhentilah. macam main golf jugak. dulu saya pernah main golf, sama la macam ni. selagi tak dapat pukul bola tu jauh2 selagi tu la tak nak stop pukul.

Lama saya sepak bola tu sampai papa tegur dari atas, " siapa yang main bola dalam rumah tu?" "Abby!" "Dah2 stop! Pergi solat!" "Ok". Tapi saya habiskan 2-3 round dulu baru stop.

Lepas tu, entah kenapa saya rasa kosong. Dan tiba-tiba hati rasa sakit sangat. rasa ngilu. dan saya tersedar lagi. rupa-rupanya keinginan saya untuk tidak berhenti menyepak bola sama dengan kemarahan saya yang saya ingat sudah reda, tapi tak sangka pulak ia masih berbekas di hati.

saya tak tahu saya marahkan siapa sebenarnya. mungkin semasa saya menyepak bola tadi saya meletakkannya pada beberapa nama. tapi yang paling saya pasti, saya memarahi diri saya kerana tidak bisa melenyapkan kemarahan diri sendiri. saya masih belum 'let go' sepenuhnya.

nota kaki : bola sepak dan yoga berbeza. tapi kedua-duanya menenangkan aku. insyaAllah aku takkan berhenti meng'explore' kedua-duanya. =)

terhenti seketika

buat sekelian kalinya saya pulang lagi ke rumah pada hari ini. saya memang begini. pantang ada peluang, tidak akan ku lepaskan! perangai yang saya bawa sejak tinggal di asrama memang sukar untuk ditinggalkan. tapi itu bukanlah apa yang ingin saya sampaikan dalam entree kali ini. saya hanya ingin menyampaikan ketidakpuasan hati saya terhadap segelintir pemandu di malaysia. 'segelintir' yang mungkin boleh dikatakan dalam jumlah yang agak besar, kerana hari ini saja saya berdepan dengan dua situasi yang cukup untuk menghentikan jantung ini barang sesaat dua. satu pemandu perempuan dan satu pemandu lelaki.

saya tidak mahu bercerita lanjut tentang apa yang terjadi kerana bimbang terkeluar kata-kata yang tidak sepatutnya. namun cukuplah saya katakan bahawa tidak ada gunanya kerajaan mewajibkan penggunaan tali pinggang keledar kalau beginilah gaya pemandu-pemandu malaysia. walaupun saya memakai tali pinggang keledar sebentar, saya rasa kalaulah ayah saya tidak cekap memandu, mungkin anda tidak akan dapat membaca tulisan-tulisan saya pada malam ini. dan mungkin saya akan terbaring di mana-mana atau mungkin...

nauzubillah hi minzalik

saya akui mati itu adalah sesuatu yang pasti. mungkin kerana iman ini belum betul-betul mantap maka saya harus juga akui bahawa saya takutkan mati. secara khususnya mati dalam keadaan tidak beriman.

dalam bulan ini saja, saya dengar dua berita kematian dikalangan saudara mara saya. saya memang tidak dapat menerimanya. mendengar beritanya saja membuatkan saya tidak tidur malam. mengingati saat-saat saya bersama mereka sewaktu hayatnya. dan saya mula membayangkan situasi mereka. mendalami hati-hati anak-anak serta suami atau isteri yang mereka tinggalkan. kerana saya pernah hampir mengalami detik-detik itu. dan saya bersyukur itu tidak terjadi. tapi bagaimanakah saya dapat meramal masa hadapan? sesungguhnya hati ini masih belum bersedia. hatta untuk terhenti seketika.

n o t a k a k i : perasaan homesick datang kembali sebab esok dah kena balik UM balik! =(

.kamu ini sangat menyedihkan.

sangat menyedihkan apabila kamu meletakkan kemarahan kamu pada si polan yang bertukar angin dari parti kamu ke parti musuhmu, sebok menghebahkannya di media, menyatakan kekecewaan kamu sehingga kamu menggelarnya sebagai pembelot.

sedangkan kamu sedikit pun tidak mengambil peduli akan si polan itu dan si polan ini yang bertukar angin ke agama yang dianuti musuh sebenarmu, menyembah yang lain dari Tuhanmu Yang Satu, bahkan kamu turut pula memunculkan diri kamu ke kuil-kuil mereka di hari keraian agama mereka, BUKAN agama kamu.

kamu ini sangat menyedihkan. pernahkah kamu melihat mereka menjejakkan kaki ke rumah Tuhanmu ketika kamu meraikan hari kebesaran agamamu? mengapa kamu membela mereka saat mereka menindas saudara seagamamu?

"Setiap kamu adalah pemimpin, dan setiap kamu dipertanggungjawab atas apa yang dipimpinnya"
(Al Bukhari: 893 Muslim: 1829)

nawaitu

mungkin ada yang sedar, atau ada yang tidak sedar bahawa saya sudah lama tidak mencoretkan apa-apa di sini. sebetulnya saya tidak tahu siapakah pembaca blog saya ini kerana tidak pernah mendapat respon dari sesiapa kecuali sahabat baik saya yang seorang itu. he he.

saya sering bertanya pada diri saya, apa tujuannya saya membuka blog ini satu ketika dahulu? saya punya jawapannya namun saya tidak pasti bagaimana cara merealisasikannya.

dahulu tujuannya adalah untuk menjadikannya sebagai diari peribadi saya, tempat untuk saya meluahkan rasa, mencoretkan apa-apa sahaja aktiviti harian saya, atau sajak-sajak yang tiba-tiba tercetus di minda.

dan selepas saya membuat keputusan untuk membuka blog ini bagi tatapan umum, saya menyemat satu lagi tujuan yang saya kira lebih munasabah dan lebih berfaedah.

berbalik kepada tujuan saya yang awal tadi, saya dapati lama kelamaan saya bosan menulis mengenai diri sendiri, mengingati perkara-perkara yang telah berlalu, tidak membawa kemajuan dan keuntungan kepada sesiapa, mahupun saya sendiri. mungkin sekadar hiburan sesaat dua namun hati masih terasa kosong.

menceritakan kisah saya sehari-hari untuk tatapan umum, memberi bayangan kepada saya seolah-olah dipamerkan pada semua orang akan perbuatan saya di skrin besar pada Hari Penentu itu. Ia membuat saya berasa takut dan dalam masa yang sama menjadikan saya seorang yang hipokrit kerana sudah semestinya saya akan bercerita yang baik-baik sahaja, sedangkan di Hari Penentu itu, saya tidak akan dapat memilih rakaman-rakaman terbaik sahaja untuk dipertontonkan.

"Semoga Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa saya dan semoga saya tidak mengulangi lagi dosa-dosa itu"

bertitik tolak dari ketakutan itulah saya berazam untuk menulis tentang perkara-perkara ilmiah sahaja, tidak kiralah sama ada isu politik, agama, sosial, apa sahaja!

inilah bahagian yang paling sukar kerana menulis perkara-perkara ilmiah memerlukan ilmu yang penuh di dada. saya tidak mahu tersalah fakta atau wujud tersalah erti oleh pembaca-pembaca kelak yang buruk itu akan berpatah semula kepada saya.

"Semoga Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa saya dan dosa-dosa anda"

saya tidak tahu mengapa, saya berasa lega mencoretkan apa yang telah saya coretkan di atas. semoga anda memahami apa yang sepatutnya anda fahami.

insyaAllah saya akan kembali untuk berkongsi sesuatu yang berfaedah untuk anda-anda selaku "silent reader" saya. tetapi saya tidak dapat berjanji kerana anda pun tahu, setiap insan di muka bumi Allah ini punya komitmen di dunia realiti. tanggungjawab sebagai bloggers di dunia maya ini adalah pilihan masing-masing dan perlu berada di tahap keutamaannya yang tersendiri. dan saya meletakkan tanggungjawab ini pada tahap yang sederhana, yang mana saya tidak perlu rasa terbeban dengannya. sekian sahaja untuk kali ini. Jazakallahu khayran.

highlight : maaf jika apa yang saya bebelkan ini menyinggung perasaan mana-mana bloggers. ini hanya pendapat peribadi saya dan anda boleh memilih untuk menerima atau menolaknya.

seventh heaven

saya amat berterima kasih kepada cik Mai kerana meng'tag' saya memandangkan saya akan mati kebuhsanan dalam masa terdekat ini. kutu2 pn da mati kutu kot (eh? I manede kutu ;P) sbb da xde aktiviti.. hehe..bukanlah xde aktiviti sgt tp aktiviti dalam umah agk menyesakkan dada la jugak..nemind, i'm going to take the special sem nway..ok2..da merepek da nih..I better settle up this tagging thingy first.

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME.

• I don't like chocs..but I can still consume them.
  
• I get headache if I talk too much
  
• the more I thought of updating my blog, the more I end up doing nothing
  
• I'm very glad to have both of my cute pet cat, they made me forget my messy life.
  
• I don't spent too much time on the mirror like other girls by my age would. [not evrybody lah!]
  
• I can go to the shopping mall wearing t-shirt and slippers.
  
• I'm a homely type person.
  

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME.

• dying without knowing the purpose of my life.
  
• dying in the absence of Iman
  
• loosing the person I loved most
  
• saya takut jadi anak derhaka
  
• Allah's torments of hell fire
  
• not being able to recite the syahadah
  
• not able to control myself from doing sins
  

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT.

• bila aku sudah tiada - hujan
  
• you are the music in me - HSM
  
• something new - HSM
  
• destiny - jim brickman
  
• zawjati - Ahmed Bukhatir
  
• where True Love goes - Yusuf Islam
• i think i see the light - Yusuf Islam
  

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST.

• busukkk
• aish
  
• oi
  
• meoww [khas utk my pet cat shj]
  
• babe
  
• weh
  
• orait
  

7 THINGS I TREASURE THE MOST.

• Islam
  
• my family
  
• my friends
  
• my books
  
• my lesson
  
• my talent
• myself
  

7 “FIRST TIME” THINGS I EVER DID.

• riding a bike - standard 1..while papa was away for outstation..I learned to ride to surprise him
• driving a car - standard 5..impressive isn't it?
  
• first crush - standard 6..i felt guilty for the person he has turned into today..izzit my fault?
• first award - 6 y.o best student award at Putra Putri Kindergarten
• first time khatam Quran - standard 5..alhamdulillah..
• first surgery - 6 y.o kene jahit kat dahi
• first CD i bought - standard 4.. i'm a big fan of 911..
  

7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS.

• no one, cam biase..ehehe

oh my, that 7 "first time" was sooo hard to recall.. till then, good day everybody! ;D

Zawjati..oh..Zawjati..

salam..

disebabkan dah terlalu lama tak menulis.. saya kekurangan kata2 utk mencoretkan apa2 disini.. buat permulaan sebagai my 'come back' saya ingin berkongsi video yang saya jumpa dekat blog Ust. Hasrizal (saifulislam.com) Lama dah tak baca blog Ust ni sebab dok sibuk ngn exam. Hm. Lagu ni sangat membuatkan saya rasa cam nak nangis. Memang menyentuh perasaan la. Kalaulah ada seseorang yang boleh menyanyikannya utk saya suatu hari nanti. ;P Saya selitkan sekali translationnya untuk mudah difahami dan dihayati. Walaupun saya amik class Arabic, saya sendiri pun tak paham sangat lirik dia tu.

TRANSLATION- Zawjati (My wife)
(as given in the album Da’ani)

I love you the way you are,
I love you the way you were,
No matter what did or will happen,
You are and will be my darling.

You’re my rightful wife, I care not about
Those who like to reproach and irritate me.
It is our destiny to be
Together eternally.

In my heart you instilled love
With grace and good deeds.
Happiness vanishes when you disappear,
Life brightens when you’re there.

Hard is my day
Until you return home.
Sadness disappears
When you smile.

Life turns black
When you’re upset,
So I work hard
To make your wish come true.

You’re my happiness.
May you be happy forever.
Our souls are united
Like soil and plants.

You’re my hope, my peace
My good company and inspiration.
Life is good, no matter how hard it is,
When you’re fine

tag2!!

well..as usual kene tag ngn my bestie fren, cik Mai. huhu.. tak pernah aku tag dia..asek dia je tag aku..

-THE RULES-
Link to your tagger and post these rules.
- List (8) random facts about yourself and
- Tag (8) people.

-INTRODUCTION-
First Name – Awanis
Nickname – Abby, Awan, Wanis
Name you wish you had – used to wish for Anita like my elders.now not nemore. I love my name!
What do people normally mistake your name as- it surprised me a lot that no one had ever mistaken my name. I couldn’t remember if there’s any.
Birthday-26 Nov 1987
Birthplace – kuantan, pahang.
Time of Birth – 11.30 am.
Single or taken – single n lovin’ it
Zodiac sign - sagittarius

-YOUR APPEARANCES-
How tall are you – 163 cm
Wish you were taller – yes
Eye color – dark brown.
Eye color you want – green but dark brown is ok.
Natural Hair color – black
Current Hair color - black
Short or long hair – it’s a secret unrevealed. :P
Ever dye your hair a bizarre color – neva!
Curly,Straight,Wavy – wavy~~~
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair – December last year.not so dramatic but…ehehe..
Glasses or contacts – contacts during the day, glasses during the night
Do you wear make-up – no. on special occasion only
Ever had hair extensions – neva!
Paint your nails – only henna allowed

-IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER-
What color eyes – any color oso can.hehe.
What color hair – black or dark brown
Shy or Outgoing –I prefer the shy one
Looks or personality – personality
Sexy or Cute – kawaii is a must! Hihi.
Serious or Fun – serious. But not too serious. Must atleast have some sense of humor.
Older or Younger than you – older or by the same age
A turn on – sweet smile and beautiful hand.hurm.
A turn off – perasan hensem. Wpun mmg ensem. Haha.

-THIS OR THAT-
Flowers or Chocolate – flowers.roses.white.
Pepsi or Coke – coke
Rap or Rock – slow rock
Relationship or One night stand – relationship[
School or Work – confuse?
Love or Money – love. Money destroys life!
Movies or Music – music
Country or City – City. I’m a town girl. But I one day I would like to settle down in the country side.
Sunny or Rainy days – depends on the situation.
Friends or Family – family comes first

-HAVE YOU EVER-
Lied – pernah. Terpaksa.
Stole something – erk.pernah.time kecik2.
Smoked – once.time kecik2 gk.tak sedap~
Hurt someone close to you – hurm.yes.so sorry~
Broke someone’s heart – yes, I never forget this.
Had your heart broken – yes and haven’t overcome it yet *sigh*
Wondered what was wrong with you – always
Wish you were a prince/princess – yeah, there’s that time.
Liked someone who was taken – oooh. Hate to say yes.
Shaved your head – nope.
Been in love - yes
Used chopsticks – expert nih
Sang in the mirror to yourself – haha.mestilah pernah.
Ever cried over someone – yes. Long ago and safely kept in my life history book.
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself – yeah. I would like to have Einstein’s brain. and Pablo Picasso hand.
Do you think you’re attractive – erkkk. *shy*
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose – sleeping beauty. I always thought people look cute when they woke up from sleep. ;D
Do you play any sports – yeah. Tennis. And recently into yoga. Basketball.

-FAVORITES-
Flower – roses.
Candy – white chocolate Ritter Sport
Song – I don’t really care about the type of the song. I only care about the lyrics and mostly how it blends to the song.
Scent – moon flower by the body shop
Color – green
Movie – fictions, romantic comedy, action
Singer – Kelly clarkson
Words – eh? Aish!
Junk food – cheezel.
Website – saifulislam.com
Lotion – nivea whitening
Animal – kucing. my Kiut n my Miut.

nak tag sape??

argh maleh nk pikir..huhuuh..rules are made to be broken!! yeah!!

.jalan yang lurus.

Kenapa sejak akhir-akhir ni aku kerap menangis?

Mungkin aku agak tertekan dengan kehidupan.

Dengan kerja yang tak pernah berkurang.

Dan fikiran yang tak pernah bertenang.

Di saat-saat ada kelapangan waktu begini, aku selalu bertanya,

“Aku hidup untuk siapa? dan demi apa?”

Jawapannya mudah. Tanyalah siapa saja, semua pasti tahu.

Tapi aku pingin tahu “Mengapa?”

Memang aku menerimanya kerana aku percaya.

Tapi kedudukannya begitu goyah dihatiku.

Rapuh dek kepesatan dunia.

Yang penuh hiburan dan kelalaian.

Aku ingin merasa nikmatnya sekelumit hidayah itu.

Agar aku bisa melupakan keseronokan dunia.

Bisa melupakan kekecewaanku.

Terhadap janji-janji palsu.

Lantas itu sebabnya aku menangis.

Aku terlalu terdesak untuk mengetahui maknanya aku dicipta di Bumi ini.

Usia yang semakin meningkat menekan aku agar cepat tersedar dari lamunan.

Aku tidak sabar untuk menunggu tibanya detik itu.

Agar aku boleh cepat mengorak langkah.

Menyusunnya satu persatu di jalan yang lurus.

life is making sense again

The busyness I experienced through out this semester adds another wonderful color to my life. I realized that I lost myself since the past ten years and at that time I’m like a baby who’s trying to learn how to walk and talk again even I’m already expert on those. I live in my own world of misery and I just have a hole in my heart, that I felt the emptiness though I had a happy family and loyal friends beside me. Sins that I did and regretted and the Taubah I performed ‘on and off’ are the reasons I hate myself and it makes me keep the real me inside. I’m ashamed of myself and since I don’t want anybody to see the bad side of me, I tried hard to never do a wrongdoing and it was so tiring regretting and starting all over again – believe me, I’ve tried.

Now, with my responsibilities, I don’t have the time to do and think about other things other than my homework, projects, club activities etc. It surprised me a lot that I love the busyness I had, though its tiring and all my energy were squeezed till the last drop. Aish. But… is it true that busy people doesn’t have a life? *tsk* I’m enjoying my busyness yet I have to admit those sayings are true.

Every day before I went to bed, I usually forgot the prayer I used to recite. My mind won’t stop thinking about what to do tomorrow, the works that to be done, places I must go, people I need to meet etc etc.. And waking up these days was always like “Ah! Today I need to submit this and that!” Even in the morning I’ve started to scheduling things in my mind even with the simplest thing ever like.. I cannot always go back and forth into my room to do certain thing coz its wasting time..so everything I do I’ll said to myself “Am I done here? Do I need to do anything else?” Only when I’m satisfied then I go and settle down other things. Man! I can’t believe I’m loosing my life! And I thought life is making sense? No way! *sigh*

p/s: confusing isn’t it? At first I said my life are full of colors and now its totally blank? I AM confused myself, so don’t bother.

another tag by u-know-who

i just paste the rules okie? since i don't have much time. I'm going back to mu university in one hour time. and I don't have my stuff packed yet.

Its about my favourite link :

Rules and Regulations :
1. Must be clean. No X-rated sites
2. Only FIVE links.
3. MUST tell 5 people.
4. A link back to the person who tagged you.
5. An active link.

here goes the list :

1. www.getgorgeous.fotopages.com
2. www.saifulislam.com
3. www.abdullahjones.blogspot.com
4. www.bigfishgames.com
5. like Cik Mai, all my friends blog.

orait that's all. wow. I'm done in less than 10 minutes. that's a record. but this is a very easy one thou. hehe. see y'all later when I'm free enough to update this blog. till then, good nite malaysians!

the day i'd been tagged

this time its "8 random facts about myself".. as usual, it is from mi bestie Mai.. so, these were the rules..

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

so heres 8 random facts about me which has been written in my book of fate since the day i started to breathe :

1. i cannot pronounce the letter 'R' properly. but its not that 'pekat', only the one yang peka saja boleh notice. some even said that my Malay pronounciation is a bit mixed up with English slang.thats is so not true.

2. i don't eat chilli sauce.

3. i still print out my lecture notes even if i had copied it during class. the reason is i hate my own handwriting.

4. I'm a bit outdated when it comes to international music and artists. i don't put the courage to remember their names, faces and what album they have produced. only some friends keep me updated.

5. I'm a homely type person. u can ask me out when I'm in my campus but not when I'm at home. maybe I'm the kind of child who usually think how lonely your parents is when their children are not around.

6. saya suka basuh, sidai and keringkan baju. tapi saya tak suka lipat baju. :D but i have to lah kan.

7. I don't talk too much as I think. I'll get a headache if I do so.

8. Walaupun saya tak banyak cakap, my close friends mesti someone yang kuat bercakap. Biasa la tu, complement each other la kan. Kalau semua bercakap sapa pulak nak dengar ye dok?

Orait. Cik Mai, if you read this, I've settled down your first tagging. Coming up next, the easier one. hehe.

owh. taktau la nak tag sapa. biar je la erk. :D

.sense of healing.

alhamdulillah..

the disease I've been having for the past 4 years (almost) are showing some improvement. i guess its gonna heal in one or two weeks time. it was healed once in 2005 i guess but it appeared again few months after that. at that time, i'm giving up my medication for a while. on and off. until last few weeks, i took up the med again since i can't stand it anymore. maybe its part of my new year's resolution.. to totally get rid of this 'penyakit'.

even this disease seems to have an end, i never know when will i cure my other illness i kept with me since i was in standard 6. nemind, i'll cure it one at a time.

p/s: is there anyone here with 'O' blood type group? need some help here..